Weird...

My landlady is a unique person.

When I first met her she had staples in her face from just getting a face-lift. She seemed like an odd character, but I loved the neighborhood and she was asking for a small amount of money for a nicely sized place, so I couldn't pass it up.

About two weeks ago something bizarre and terrifying happened. I came back to the house (I rent out the third floor) at around noon on a Sunday. I had a philosophy class that morning and I was eager to get inside and watch some football. I open the door and turn around to click the dead-bolt into the locked position. I hear someone coming down the stairs, then I hear my landlord say "OH SHIT". This makes me look up quickly and she is COMPLETELY NAKED. She tried hurrying up the stairs so I didn't see her, but that damage was done. I saw what I saw, and it can never be unseen. Fortunately, she doesn't know that I saw her.

Then today I came back from my Friday morning film class and I hear a vacuum running upstairs. This isn't out of the ordinary, she's a clean freak. She has OCD, owns 9 vacuums (not even joking) and uses at least three of them daily. I figure she just vacuuming her room on the second floor or whatever.

But once I get to the second floor I notice that the chords are going up to the third floor. I thought that was odd, but figured she was probably just cleaning up the bathroom, which she sometimes uses and stores extra things in. But once I get up the stairs, I see my bedroom door wide open with three vacuum chords going into it. I walk in and she's on her hands and knees vacuuming my floor and the rug near my T.V. I say, "Um...hey, what's up?" and she looks at me and says, "I was just cleaning up in here because it was absolutely filthy."
Okay. That's weird. I say to her, "yeah...uh, I guess I'm not the cleanest person around." Then she says, "No, no you're not. Not at all. I'll be done in a few minutes."

I know this is a weird thing to be complaining about, having someone clean up for you unannounced, but that's just the thing. I feel like a guest here, and I shouldn't. I pay a lot of money to stay here and it's frustrating have my personal space invaded this often.

She could have asked me if I could clean up in here. I would have done it. I should also mention that it was not even that dirty in here at all. There was a small amount of dust and maybe a crumb or two on the floor. But she acted like I have been shitting on my rug and smearing it on my walls. She took a pretty harsh tone with me, too, when she was explaining how unclean I can be.

She has drawn a gross naked old lady line in the sand and has crossed it. I can't stand it.

I'm really looking forward to moving out of this place. I'm hoping to find a new place maybe sometime in May or June. I'm planning on living with people my age. Other twenty-somethings. Maybe they won't break into my room to clean it up.

This is Why I Can't Buy Tasty Things

Yesterday I was out buying some things for the apartment at a pharmacy store. I made the mistake of walking past the snack section and, thinking back to how empty my snack drawer was, bought some snacks. Too many snacks.

I left with three cans of Pringles and a big bag of Deli style potato chips.

I figured three cans of Pringles would last me a week or two, since I don't consider myself a glutton. Turns out, however, that I am a glutton.

I bought all those chips on Wednesday at around 4 pm. By 6pm the next day I was down to half a bag of potato chips. I ate all three cans of Pringles and half of the nasty deli style ones. I've never been so conscious of my ass, hips, and stomach.

Let's do some math.

The Pringles crisps have 150 calories in 1 serving. There are 6 servings in each tin.

6 x 150 = 900 calories

900 x 3 = 2700 calories.

2700 calories in just about a day. And that's on top of my regular, not-so-healthy diet.

This is all part of my plan, so don't worry for my weight or health. You have to gain weight to lose weight. That's a fact. A true fact.

New Direction

I'm taking the ole' blog in a new direction. That's right, I'm actually going to post (don't hold me to that)

I changed the blog name from inspirational to semi-cynical. Because, well, like they've always said "Sex and cynicism sells".