Internet Pooping

Who knew getting an internet connection in Brooklyn could be such an adventure? I'm actually posting from a coffee shop near my house. The internet is working here today (hallelujah) as last time I came...it was not. But let me fill you in on my hilarious efforts for internet. Something went wrong every step of the way for me.

Here's how it should have worked:

Step 1: Call provider and order Verizon High Speed Internet Service
Step 2: Receive self-installation kit in mail
Step 3: Install phone-filters on all phones (this allows you to use the DSL internet without interrupting the phone use)
Step 4: Install Modem and connect to internet
Step 5: SURF THAT WEB LIKE JACK JOHNSON!

Five simple steps, right? Not for this dude.

Step one went well, actually. The guy was helpful.
Step two was a very minor problem. They sent the package, but no one was home, so I had to wait until the next day to sign for it. Not a big deal.
Step three; now that I have the kit, I should install it. But they forgot the phone filter. Woe is me, my life is a continuation of turd-filled toilet water spiraling down into a sewer. Actually, it wasn't a big deal at all. I called and told them they forget the filter, so they sent one out and I got it two days later (yesterday).

But here's where it gets fun. I go to install the new filter on my landlords phone, and the phone is too old. It doesn't fit. I spend an hour trying to make it fit. Then I realize, this isn't my phone, maybe I shouldn't be so tough with it. So I tell my landlord about the situation, and suggest that I'll go buy her a new phone. She's okay with that, so I go to Rite-Aid and get a 10 dollar phone. I bring it home and it fits and it works and all is well (landlord was even pleased with my color choice of phone [black]) So I run upstairs, giddy, ready to install the internet and catch up on a week of missed e-mails, facebook stalking, blogging, foruming, etc. And I go through all the steps, then the installation prompt says it's checking the connection. "Check away", says I. (Side note: I've been reading old novels and my writing is really pompous right now, sorry) Long story short: the phone line in my room doesn't work. HA! I thought, well maybe it's a problem with the internet service. I brought up the new phone and plugged it into the wall...no dialtone. BAULDERDASH! POPPYCOCK! (Actually the book I'm reading is from the 80's so I have no excuse for this masturbatory style of writing) But yeah... phone line not working. So I don't know what to do. I doubt the landlord will be pumped about someone coming and rewiring and breaking shit down so I can have internet. BUT I NEED IT! I am addicted to internet. A fiend, a junkie. It's sad because if you're gonna be a junkie, it should be toward something really cool, like heroin. Actually, in my hood, it's a lot easier to get heroin than internet access, apparently. But these are my troubles so far.

And I really shouldn't be complaining because everything else is going pretty okay (except some parts of the school business, but that'll be for the next post.)

I need to show you peeps a few more photos of my place, though. I'll end it with that.

And I need to take some photos of my neighborhood and other parts of nyc...hopefully those will be in the next post also. I'm probably heading to Central Park for lunch today, maybe I'll bring the camera along.

Until next time!